I've never been a fan of the phrase "Everything happens for a reason." I think it's something that we tell ourselves to ease the blow of a particular misfortune. Think about it; how many times has that line crossed your mind when you were going through a point of turmoil in your life? I'm guilty of saying it myself.
I believe we control our fate. Every single thing you do; from the streets you choose to take when traveling, to the craving for food you get when lunchtime hits, to the passions you have and the choices you make regarding what type of profession you seek. Every decision you make will affect your future. It's mind boggling to think about.
I'll give you an example.
A few days ago I was on a flight to Indianapolis. This particular plane was an ExpressJet (featuring miniature sized overhead compartments), so even carry ons needed to be checked at the gate. As I got off the plane and waited with the other passengers outside the cabin door for our bags, a girl stepped out and joined the group. Mid 20's, brown hair, well dressed, glasses. Stunning. I'm holding a book; she's holding a book. Check the left hand for a ring: no ring. Check to see what she is reading: Too far away to get a name off the back cover; god damn my terrible eyesight. Doesn't look like Harry Potter or Twilight; we're golden. Fifteen people are standing there silent. My coworker is next to me and words are exchanged about how cold the flight was. Everyone is waiting (im)patiently for their things so they can make tracks to their final destination. Do I talk to this girl and potentially make an ass out of myself in front of 15 people in an 8 foot by 8 foot space? It would be so easy to simply say "So what are you reading?" I debate. Her bag comes, she takes off. My bag comes, I grab it and dart out of the tunnel. She answers her phone and disappears into the distance. Blew it.
She could have been a future ex-wife or she could have told me to eat my hat. The point is that I'll never know. I could have chosen to open my mouth but I didn't.
I think that there's a difference between happenstance and fate. Pillars may line up for you at certain points in your life but you have to be the one that knocks them down. There may be a target set up in the distance along with a loaded gun; but you'll never hit it unless you pull the trigger.
Pull the trigger.
-Nick
She was reading "Going Rogue: An American Life" by Sarah Palin.
ReplyDeleteIn that case, you definitely should have shot her with a loaded gun.
My man, reading this kinda opened my eyes up about shit for a minute. I'm going through this ridiculous break up and it has me feeling like shit. I think to myself that everything indeed does happen for a reason, but its bullshit. There are things I could have done that wouldn't have resulted in such a messy situation and probably would have made the relationship work.
ReplyDeleteNow, the thing that's fuckin with me is..maybe breaking up was "for the better." how the fuck does that factor in with "everything happens for a reason" and "we control our own fate?" hahaha. Maybe I'm looking into it too much.
Anyway, I, like you, had a similar situation except it was on a train and on the way to Germany. She was incredible. I didn't even try. Shame.
"For the better" is something that we, as humans, decide within our conscious. We all have the ability to weigh options and make choices based on those options.
ReplyDeleteBreakups are never easy, man. All you can do after a bad breakup is look back and focus on the reasons why the relationship didn't work. Once you can do that from a non-self deprecating point of view, you can learn from your experiences and take away something positive.
The best and only advice I can give you is this: You have to be happy. If you aren't happy in a relationship (i.e. the good does not outweigh the bad, both people are not willing to communicate and compromise, etc.) then yes, breaking up is "for the better." You'll realize this as time passes. You'll meet more people, stumble upon new experiences, and gradually the past will become the past.
Best of luck my man.
Everything happens for a reason; good and bad. Maybe that stunning girl was there to wake you up to the fact that you should take those chances more often - and, now you'll definitely remember this the next time you think twice about making an ass out of yourself in front of people in a small space.
ReplyDeleteYou'll do it; and fate will make sure that the instance happens...for a reason. ;)